lonely night

listening to

I'm listening to "Hamilton"

I should do the dishes.

But I did laundry today and cleaned my room . Last night was bad. I might go inpatient.
lonely night

hey my darlings * i will dance until i think i can overcome*

hey my darlings..
i just want you to know i've been reading and posting as much as my brain will allow lately...i have the gift of empathy. and sometimes i just can't get my head enough together to say anything of substance. but then again, i tend to think that about myself anyway, ( yes yes im working on it <3)...

randomness in 3...2...1...


has anybody whose emotional pain contributed to their fibro everrrr...tried to...*speaks softly* dance through that emotional pain/heal it *through* dance?

its an endeavor i'm on...slowly, shyly, and dissapointingly unsure...but something im too emotional to elaborate on convinced me i'm not meant to give up on it.

im working on "breathe me" by Sia. yep, i know...wow. ;)
but anyways...was just wonderign bout little creative bunnies right here on livejournal.

zOMG dizziness. for likee...almost a week now, straight. its like..ri*diculous!!!*. if i turn my head too fast, or to the extreme left/right, it feels like someone hit me with a bat dizzy. also, if im just...looking both ways to cross the street. and just today, i went to open the back door of a bus. the driver hadnt opened it, so the 2nd time i pushed on it, my head just *spunnnn*

i'm gonna do the actual 64 oz's of water ( i know, i know...i just didnt know it was that important ....*covers head, as i just *glanced* to the  right*) i don't..*feel* dehydrated, but it certainly couldn't hurt.

also, i'm diabetic type 2. does anybody * sighs...didnt think itd come to this* get *extremely* dizzy when even only *slightly* elevated blood sugar?..

the only other explanation is that its one of the ways fibro copies *many* other diseases...
sorry, loves...i just needed to put it all out there.

the dizziness is actually contributing to *massive* anxiety. and when i turn at all, or get up too quickly, i feel a sensation of dissociation going down into my middle back and legs/arms. much with the loveliness. wouldnt even bother me so much if it didnt take *soooo* long to even *remotely* die down. its interfering with my choreography. * dancer's grrr!!* lol

thank you guys for listening, and im sure ill get some feedback <3
and if a  very special someone is reading, you'll have mail sent out l8r 2day or 2morrow <3

lonely night

(no subject)

hold on
i know the storm is coming through
hold on
i'll be the star up in your blue
when the waves come crashing down
and no one is around
i will be your comfort, dear
i will be your solid ground


lonely night

umm...experimentation <3 --free writinggg

"Capillary Refill"( or "A Writer's Promise") running into "Always"

a burst of emotion
an inspiration to write...

and then nothing.

and i would wear
strings on my fingers

to remind myself

that i still live.

the red pulsing
in time with the heart 

my heart's in time
with yours.


at the end of day
in the middle of night
when all but nothing's
going right

i curl up to your kindness
and relax in your embrace
run my fingers through your hair
and kiss that pretty face

thank you for the faith
you so effortlessly bring
thank you for being
my favorite kind of string

to be held up on
and danced around
i've got the sky
who needs the ground?

lonely night


sooo ummm..
they published onbe of my short stories

its up til tommorow night-ish i think.


according to my multiple copy/paste sessions, it should be right on that page. 

"Ghost Hunter"

/penname: madison riley

enjoy! =)

im still depressed as fuck, but i continue to look through craigslist. im thisclose to posting something  my*self* lol

lonely night

jesus christ

jesus freikin christ. 
how ungodly difficult is it for someone to fucking *reply* ( good lord, what a CONCEPT) to an email. an email, of course--which was a response to a posting on craigslist--making one aware of openings.

i just ...seriously.
it's not rocket science.

my head will not stop spinning...
and i want something good to happen right the fuck now.
i can not stand this anymore.

I dont wanna keep behaving myself. 
by any means....
i guess i will...or i'll try..

but god.
I need to be better for people.

im just one big ball of fucked up and shameful..

I might go to the beach with my friend...it'd kil time but i dont really deserve it...

fuck it

lonely night


 sooo yup...
i have a dr.'s apt tommorow at 9:30...and they better take me on time.
'cause im supposed to meet my friend at 1:30 in brooklyn lol

open house tonight...i gotta clean. i did but apparently it wasn't 'enough'.

thank god ill be out mostly all day tommorow...